I know that sounds a bit harsh, but it is actually the title of a new book by Christopher Moore. If you are not familiar with Moore, you should be. He is the one of the best writers out there today. I was going to say funniest, but that is only part of his talent. In Lamb: the gospel according to Biff, Christ’s childhood pal, he basically has fun with the gospels but manages to remain reverent and thought provoking. I mean, what did happen between 12 and 30? Fluke: or I know why the winged whale sings, may be one of the best environmental novels around. Even his titles are great: The stupidest angel, a heartwarming tale of Christmas terror; The lust lizard of Melancholy Cove; Island of the sequined love nun; and Practical demonkeeping.
But I digress, Bite Me is a sequel to You Suck, which is a sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends. Yes, they are about vampires. Hey, EVERYBODY’s doing it. Moore just sticks to the mythology a little better–no sparkling. In the first book, Jody is turned into a vampire by an elder vamp. She has to figure out how to survive on her own. One of the ways she does is to get a “minion.” Hers is 19-year-old Tommy Flood, a wannabe writer who moved to San Francisco for the atmosphere. In You Suck, Jody turns Tommy into a vampire. They in turn choose a minion, Abby Normal (yes, he likes Young Frankenstein, too) aka Allison Green, goth girl to the max. We first met her in A Dirty Job which featured one of my favorite Moore characters Minty Fresh, a tall, skinny black man who dresses only in green. Moore reuses characters a lot. The Emperor of San Francisco, a homeless man who thinks the city is his to protect and The Men, his two dogs, figure prominently here and in other books. See I just can’t stop gushing!
So, Bite Me, begins where You Suck ended. Jody and Tommy have been bronzed by Abby and her boyfriend, Stephen Wong–aka Foo Dog, to protect them from evil forces. Chet, the huge homeless cat, has become a vampire with human qualities, and he goes about turning all the cats in the city. Now hordes of vampire cats are taking out the homeless and the prostitutes and anyone else they can get. And the ancient vampire is back with his minions to clean things up. Maybe three books on the same subject was too much. Maybe Moore was worn out from his retelling of King Lear from the point of view of the fool, in Fool. Or maybe it was the fact that there was a lot of Abby in this one. Her “I was all, and then he was all…” and “I know!” became very tired after a while. When Jody and Tommy are finally free of the bronze and the Animals from the Safeway show up, the story becomes more exciting and more humorous. All in all, a good book, but it didn’t quite “rock my stripey socks” like Coyote Blue or Lamb. Sorry.
